CASE STUDY: JOKER vs THE WORLD
by Jokerlady
Summary: Joker found out of all this misinterpretations of him and does what a normal peroson does...sue for slander and misrepresentation. But he is not the only character abused, right? How does he convinces ..HIM to join him in this lawsuit? NOW PART 2 UP!
1. Chapter 1

_**EDITED, EDITED, EDITED, EDITED, EDITED, EDITED, EDITED, EDITED, EDITED, EDITED.**_

_**Author's note:**__Hiya guys. I'm having some free time in my hands. Thanks a lot to all the fans supporting my little stories; that means a lot to me especially the encouraging PMs. Thanks. I love all my readers, young and old. _

_Anyways, at the same time I'm preparing for a tropical storm/hurricane to hit home I have cooked a little ONE SHOT that started as a comedy/criticism. Loosely follows Jokeistarchild'. ANOTHER DAY AT THE OFFICE simply asking what would Joker do after finding out people are abusing his character? Common sense say sue for slander and since he is sure he's not the only one mischaracterized he wants other characters to join in. His first choice of course…might not be that easy to convince but he will try anyways. _

_This story combines some good intended fun, criticism and some reflections on who these characters are to me and how they might see themselves. By no means this story is meant to insult anyone, and under no circumstances it suggests I have complete authority over the characterization. It is just a little play of words, a little bit of Joker humor, and a writer who has not only a very personal, and independent point of view on the subject (Without becoming the Bible like some other people claim to be) but also a playful personality that tempted me to play with the very same characters I write. There is no better proof that you are OK with yourself when you can make fun of yourself and I'm always available for a good laugh even if it is at my own expense. That's the little bit of 'Joker' that lives inside my head...crazy clown!!_

**AUTHOR'S NOTE #2:** _Who would have thought this would cause such a ruckus in the house and just because I thought I could make fun of the things I liked and disliked. Maybe the intentions were good, but the means to get to the end weren't. That is the only thing I regret. You guys know I don't go around spurting my POV's like they are Gospel, and I keep my ideas to myself unless someone asks. I don't have a favorite fandom, I just like to write Joker, though I might say that detective stories are among the styles I enjoy the most. All fandoms have something to contribute to my favorite character and I enjoy many stories in different styles and POVs, but please don't berate me from writing a character differently, trying to give him or her a new fresh perspective. That is very personal to me. I don't believe anybody has the MAGICAL formula to write the perfect Clown (not even DC) and the first one on that list…myself. _

_But this is different…_

_This is not a parody__...for those who pointed this out before. Go back to Lit 101, because this is a SATIRE with comedy. Let me explain:_

_**Satire**__**. A literary mode based on criticism of people and society through **__**ridicule.**__** The satirist aims to reduce the practices attacked by laughing scornfully at them--and being witty enough to allow the reader to laugh, also. **__**Ridicule, irony, exaggeration, and several other techniques**__** are almost always present. The **__**satirist may insert serious statements of value or desired behavior**__**, but most often he relies on an implicit moral code, understood by his audience and paid lip service by them.**_

_**What am I satirizing? Batman fandom as a whole (comics, literature, movies, cartoons, etc.) pointing things that are not exactly my favorite and are solely my POV…**_

_What can you do with my personal satire? You can ike it, dislike it, ignore it, use it as a doormat, or simply have some good laughs in my behalf. I personally prefer the latter. Laugh at things that are really funny in the world of Batman in general, laugh at Joker and Batman's exchanges and innuendos, laugh at the author trying to annoy the characters or teach them something, or laugh at my narrow point of view. Whatever you do, just take the subject lightly and enjoy the ride. Maybe it got a little bit personal, maybe some people can't laugh at themselves. I personally think WE are all guilty, but I accept my part and did some editing. I even added some points to think about, take them at face value. It might not be a perfect satire, but excuse me for trying. Same thing about my humor which I will be the first one to admit is a little dark…and this is my first comic writing. Nobody is good at the first try. Oh, and in case you're wondering, since this is a satire...some if not all characters are somewhat OOC…is called exaggeration and it's used for comedic value. If you have questions...PM me and I would explain in detail._

_Finally, in order of fairness now this satire enjoyable by all ages, fandoms, personal creeds, religion, ethnicities, political parties, expecting mothers and....wait. What am I talking about? See, even I'm ranting now. Guess I'm a little touched from the head and for some reason all this reminds me of those ethnic jokes. Wonder why. Anyways, the heart of the parody is the same, just changed the way I was expressing my points and my deepest apologies for those that took my satire as a direct attack because it was never intended as such, but this time I tried to make it as general as I can, after all it is better to satirize ideas than people…unless it is myself._

_Hope you all have as much fun reading as I had writing it._

_DISCLAIMER 1: Joker and all related characters belong to DC COMICS_

_DISCLAIMER 2: There might be some instances of MATURE THEMES and LANGUAGE as well as SEXUAL INNUENDO. Some if not all characters are OOC. Be advised._

**CASE STUDY 01: THE CLOWN vs THE WORLD**

It was past two AM in the morning when he finally landed on the roof of the GCPD where Gordon and Montoya awaited him. It had been a long night and as busy as the whole week before. It seemed that when the moon was full in the sky, the worst of Gotham decided to take advantage of a tired city and wreck havoc. Tonight it seemed, was not going to be any different.

"Sorry for the delay, Commissioner. Busy night."

"I know and I'm sorry if I don't bring the best of news." Gordon responded handing the Detective a letter sized purple envelope addressed to him. The envelope, made of a fine linen paper, had an embedded wax seal with the embossed letter J closing the lid.

"He escaped again?" The Knight asked opening the letter by one end. Knowing his enemy, the seal could be one deadly practical joke.

"Last night. Three guards dead, a fire in the laundry room and he was gone. The letter was under the pillow in his cell."

"He wants to meet with me…in private," the Knight told Gordon solemnly. "If he sees any of your men near the meeting site, he will blow one hospital and …."

"Yes?" Gordon inquired at the sudden pause of the Detective.

"…and the ugly sculpture in front of the Gotham Museum or Art which is a sore in the eyes of a real artist like me. Tell the artist he will be next to die…" Batman read the quote and looked at Gordon. "At least your men know where to start, Jim."

The Commissioner motioned to Bullock beside him who started to coordinate with the bomb squad to meet at the museum. "You're not planning to attend this meeting, are you? It's obviously a trap."

"But he has the winning hand. Until you can figure out which hospital he is threatening I have to meet with him." Batman walked over the roof's edge and retrieved his grappling gun. "Keep me posted."

"Where are you going…?"

"The meeting is tonight…and we don't have much time." The Detective answered firing his grappler and jumped off the roof to meet his foe in the preselected place. If he could keep him entertained long enough, maybe nobody would die tonight.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Batman arrived at the abandoned candy factory where the meeting was going to take place. On the north end of the building was a large terrace where he could see his target dressed in a western outfit with green jeans and yellow striped shirt, brown cowboy boots and a string tie around his neck with the large letter J enameled over a white buffalo. The madman was playing by throwing horseshoes to a stick he had drilled on the opposite end of the terrace, and so far he had missed every single throw. The Knight wondered if the fiend really believed he was a cowboy. Batman glided down to the terrace to land a few feet from the psychopath.

"Oh goodie…you made it." The Joker said with a loud cackle as he grabbed a bundle of horseshoes from a nearby box. "And with ten whole minutes to spare. Here, join me in this little game. One round. It's fun, believe me."

"You said you wanted to talk." Batman said dryly. Joker sighed.

"And you're early. Don't be a spoilsport and play with me. This is a lot harder than it seems…" The Clown said offering the horseshoes to the Detective.

"I'm not interested in your games, Joker. You're threatening a lot of people for this meeting. I don't think you just want to play horseshoes…"

The Jester let go of the horseshoes that fell noisily on the floor and combed his wild mane of green curls with his gloved hand.

"You are REALLY boring, chum. I wonder what was the writer thinking when they made you like this. No humor, no smile. You're worst than Oscar the Grouch. I couldn't live like that."

Batman looked strangely at the Clown Prince. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh come on, don't tell me that you don't know of all the people that write you. You're a detective. Don't you see the clues, the patterns?" Joker gesticulated aggressively in front of him. You definitely must have seen what they have made us, no?"

Batman stared at the Jester with a baffled look in his eyes. Finally the Joker had completely lost his mind and was starting to hallucinate. This could all part of his insanity or just one of his games deadly and he had no time for games.

"Just tell me what you want. Don't waste my time like this." Batman spat angrily.

"I'm not wasting your time, Detective. This is what you were created to do. Protect the innocent of the criminal scum of this city. From people like me." The Joker responded with a grimace. "Sometimes the way they write you is so predictable…"

"Stop your riddles," the Knight said advancing menacingly towards the Clown. Two of the Jester's thugs met his advanced and the Clown Prince looked up towards the sky…

"Hey you up there," the Jester screamed into the night. "What's wrong with that line, kid? Riddles? I'm not Edward Nigma in case you didn't notice. Clowns don't riddle, they make people laugh. HA, HA, HA? Start getting your facts right, and fix them before I kill you." Batman stopped to look up to whatever the Joker was screaming. The Clown Prince of Crime glared down and stared at the Detective with a large smile. "What did you just say, Bats? I'm a little bit deaf."

"I said to stop with your jokes, they are not funny."

The Clown Prince giggled. "Better, much better. Someone can consider herself lucky to live one more day." The Joker started to pace the terrace. Batman heard the metallic jingle in every step from the Clown. This Jester was also wearing spurs to complete his western outfit. "Ok, since you are so impatient I will tell you why I summoned you here. It's time we take control of our lives and demand better treatment."

"Control of our lives… better treatment? You're making no sense."

"Shut up and listen, Bat-sap. This was brought to me by Harley at the Asylum. I even made some research over the net on the subject and what they have done with us is insulting." Joker searched in the pockets of his jacket and growled angrily. He was losing his temper and in response he screamed again into the night. "HELLLOOOO! The fact that YOU don't smoke doesn't mean you have to take that Cuban from me you little Morrison wanna-be. Give me my nicotine fix or I swear I will make my next joke on you!"

The Jester fumbled in his jacket again and pulled a Cuban cigar that he lighted with a small flamethrower. He took a deep puff from his cigar and laughed softly as he went on. "Better…but it is ridiculous that I, the Clown Prince of Crime, have to beg her for a smoke. It's just not fair. That's why I had to tell you Batsap…we have to take control. Demand rights. I have it all figured out. I'm starting a legal class action against them all and I want you to join me. I'm gonna sue 'em and then I'm gonna kill 'em all. Nobody plays games with me... ehem…us."

"You finally snapped." The Knight barked. "You need a straitjacket."

Joker looked at the Knight sadly. "You don't believe me, do you? That's why I came prepared to show you who's been behind our little lives all this time." The Jester walked over to a small table with a small red trunk lying on top. The Clown Prince picked the lock and saw the Knight retrieving his batarang from his utility belt. "It's not going to explode, Bats. Geez! You're so jumpy!"

Batman remained silent as the Jester opened the trunk and retrieved a bundle of printed material. As he turned towards the Detective, who was still holding the Batarang ready in hand to attack, the Joker couldn't hold a cackle.

"Put that thing back where it belongs, Bats. This is not a war. I'm trying to help you."

"Help me? By threatening the lives of the people of this city? You're out of your mind."

"Old news, and that's cute. You look like a lightning rod with that batarang so high above your head. Is it metal?" The Jester had just finished saying the last words when a spark of lightning hit the tip of the batarang forcing the Knight to let go of his weapon. The Jester giggled maliciously and looked up once more. "THANK YOU! Heh. It seems our writer has the same twisted sense of humor as me tonight."

"This is…" The Batman said looking to see where the spark had come from. Tonight there were no clouds in the sky.

"Absurd, I know, but the weather is unpredictable. Now listen. You, like me, have been used and misused constantly by writers and artists alike who had taken their little liberties to make fools of us. It started with you, over seventy years ago taking care of the evildoers just by yourself. Then one day they think that you are too grim, too dark and they give you a little sidekick to appeal to the young masses. I can understand the logic on 'w_ow, let's add a kid to the boring bat, so kids would love him',_ but why do they have to give you one annoying sidekick after another? I think they're treating you unfairly."

"The fight against criminals like you required help…."

"They mislead you to believe that, Bats." The Jester waved his hand beside him. "They just wanted to revamp you. In the process they made you look like a pedophile and an irresponsible ward. Risking the life of young children having them fight murderers like me is a crime in the real world. I'm surprised you are not in prison. And the Robin wannabe I killed in Ethiopia? Somebody else wrote that for you after a poll made by the big cheese editor concluded that your Robin sucked. Aren't you thankful?"

Batman growled. "How dare you talk about Robin…?"

"Punch, Lou….please stop the Bat from coming any closer. I'm not finished," the Jester said motioning to his two thugs that formed a solid wall between the Jester and the Detective. Joker peeked from behind Lou with a copy of _Death in the Family_ that he tossed at Batman. _"Holy Clown Pranks, Batman.' _The joke's on you. They gave you a whiney sidekick, and then they killed him because people hated him. THANK GOD someone realized how annoying he was. But they didn't stop there… they also had to give you one annoying son to complement your brat repertoire. Don't you deserve some payback for all your grief?"

"How do you know about…?"

"Damian? Who doesn't? The boy is a bundle of everything that makes me want to kill in one small packet and I'm not the only one that feels that way, but that's enough on the brats or I'll lose my appetite and tonight is Sushi night with Penguin."

Joker took a drag of his cigar "You've also been the Zebra Batman, the 50-foot tall Batman, the Merman Batman, the negative Batman… and the now infamous Bat-Baby. Don't you get tired of that crap? Gosh! You've even be an alien from space. Talking about bastardizing a character…You deserve a little more respect, dear."

"Where are you getting all this insane--?"

"In your favorite library, bookstore and comic book shop, even the internet. You haven't noticed?" The Joker sifted through the bundles of paper that he still had in his hands. "Oh and don't forget the fan fiction. Do you know what slash is?"

"What you do to your victims when you want to have some deadly fun?"

"Oh no…you just didn't make a joke." Joker looked up to the sky again. "OK, the Joker is the only Clown here, Ms. I-think-I-can-be-funny-too, not the oversized rat. I know I make bad jokes, but at least they are MY JOKES. Another wisecrack from the boring bat and I'm doing something real funny over your grave. And if you don't have a grave I can fix that really fast."

"Who are you talking to?" Batman inquired while looking up into the sky.

"The writer of this story…never mind me. She's just trying my patience." Joker responded taking a drag of his cigar. "OK Bats, slash fiction is a form of literature that rejoices in the pairing of two people of the same gender to play an important part of the plot and let's just say that it involves some romance, sex and sometimes smut and porn. Follow me?"

"No, what are you trying to do?"

Joker sighed. "Teaching you something useful. There are many pairings out there. Two males or two females. It doesn't matter and though I kind of enjoy those between Harley and Ivy, because I'm a pervert by nature, the ones that really worry me are the ones between you and me."

"We?"

"Yes, There are some...hints that authors have left in literature that have sparked a whole fandom were you and I...well, we get to know each other very well. There are things like _'Hello cupcake…_' or that thing that thing Frank Miller started with, _'Darling…_' Oh, and let's not forget that sadistic Grant Morrison having me goose you for giggles in _Arkham Asylum._ I personally was not laughing at that one...but people loved it. You know he even wanted me to wear stockings and heels? The nerve of that guy. That's why I want to sue 'em and then kill them all." Joker let out a loud chuckle.

"You're making no sense…."

The Jester dismissed the statement with the wave of his gloved hand and took another drag.

"And those were the official editor approved versions in the comics. In fan fiction they go into a little more…detail, because they are not bound by continuity or editorial red tape. In this example, the author even has a little 'secret' chapter in which we do it. Details and all. The problem is not doing it...the problem is how you like to do it. I never had a problem with men before until I met you. Here, read this…." The Joker handed Batman a bundle of papers stapled together. The Knight started to sift though the printed pages. Batman's face changed from the stone cold unemotional hero to a grimace of disgust.

"I did...that? I must've--."

"That takes the romance out of it doesn't it? Yes, I admit I am obsessed with you to the point of insanity but this?" Joker giggled and spoke almost to a purr. "Look, I don't mind the pairing, actually I think it's kind of cute that they can see me doing animal sex, but to tell you the truth, I thought you'd be a better lover. You know…tender, caring? I know there's really a teddy bear underneath that cowl. Let me see it." The Jester said teasingly has started walking playfully towards the Knight.

Batman backed off a few steps as he notice the Jester wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. "Don't even think about it, Joker."

"Worried what your fans will say of their all-around-macho hero when he's lonely? It's not like your taste for little boys is a secret..." Joker smiled maliciously letting his words sink in. "Some even tried to explain it."

"That is a fabrication. Every kid under my care has been treated with dignity...and respect!" Batman snapped. "I've never looked at them in any perverted way. Only in a twisted mind like yours..."

"Hmmm....and what if I tell you that in the 1960's a professor made a thesis on the subject?"

"You're lying...right?Analysis in that much detail...?" Batman inquired, with dread in his voice. Joker shook his head. "Oh..."

"But not harm done, right? Just one more opinion in a sea of opinions regarding your nightly habits." Joker shrugged and smiled maliciously. "Luckily nobody remembers that study except maybe, a pervert clown like me. I just thought I would bring it to the conversation to show you that in Batman's world nothing is sacred."

"God…but I'm no pervert."

"No, that's me. You're just boring," Joker said between giggles. "Don't sweat it, Batsy. It's not canon, just the analysis from someone who had too much time in his hands. You have other more pressing issues to deal with, like anger or that phobia to Clowns…

"I'm not afraid of you."

"If you're not afraid of me, then you must love me." Joker said twirling happily where he stood. "I KNEW IT! I'm your favorite psychopath, the one that makes your heart race at night...no substitutes."

"The only thing racing is my patience, Joker, and with you it races away, far away. You have issues, serious issues."

"I just need reassuring that I have a special place in your heart, because you're the reason I exist. To annoy you and put a smile in that face."

"Get a life."

"I do have a life…and I don't mind spending it with you as long as they write me well…and on top. After all…I'm better than you, you know? And you're lucky that the story has a good plot or I would have said something about that." The Clown giggled. "Anyways, I forgive you…because I can only imagine that that much energy honed in one moment of passion can only be due to the fact…that you don't get laid enough."

"You're not very funny. You've become somewhat predictable in your own way." The Knight barked as he finished reading. "And this is sick…"

"Mmhmm, not to mention painful…" Joker said with a sad expression of pain on his face. "You left me so sore I couldn't sit for a week. Who told these people I liked doing it doggie style anyway…haven't they read the Kamasutra…? And yes...some people have forgotten what it means to be Joker. But I intend of fighting back and get some of my dignity back. Hmmm, want a second take on that night, Bats?

"SHUT UP!! Why do you keep bringing up the subject, Joker?" The Batman growled. Joker smiled. He was really enjoying this.

"Because I have this obsession with annoying the hell out of you." Joker took a drag of his cigar. "You can call it a psychosis. I call it a pastime. You know you're too stiff, right? You need to see the funny side of things and just...go with the flow. Laugh...then the world laughs with you…and then it dies."

"You're even sicker. Is there a way of stopping this…?" The Detective said handing the papers back to Joker.

"Who wants to stop it? Not me...My sick mind wants to see how far they can go with their little twisted imaginations. I just want better characterization and that they allow me some power play once in a while. Don't worry, I also want them to write you better, because when you look bad I look bad. This is why I'm offering you a piece of the cake. You have millions of dollars that we could use to sue the crap…"

"Hold on…you know who I am?"

Joker eyed the Detective with wide unblinking green eyes and approached him slowly, putting a hand over his shoulder. He whispered softly to his ear. "Bruce Wayne, boring millionaire playboy? Everybody knows who you are, dum dum. It's out there in the stories and comics. Didn't you read? You were even having sex with me without your mask on….DUH! Yes, I know who you are. I just don't care, because your alter ego is boring and superficial. You're much more fun to fuck with in costume…no pun intended." The Clown started to laugh hysterically.

For the first time, Batman was at a loss of words. He never thought any of his enemies knew who he really was, and among them the Clown Prince himself. Joker stared at the pensive Detective as his laughter started to subside.

"OK, before you have a nervous breakdown and quit this job…nobody else knows but me." Joker said flicking the ash from his cigar.

"How can you be so sure…?"

"Because I'm insane. Nobody makes reality as colorful and strange like me and I asked if I was me or a character in a comic book. It's my talent..think out of the box. I'm surprised you have not figured it out yourself. After all, you're labeled as the best detective in the world and you're probably as crazy as me. And I can give you the quotes to that last statement..."

"This…defies logic."

"Now you can understand why I can see it, and not them. They can't fathom the reality of our existence." Joker said with a smile and pointing at his thugs. "Would you like to know more of the world…out there?" Batman nodded silently and the Jester handed him more bundles of paper.

"What's this?"

"It's another story. This one is written by our present writer. She thinks she understands me…ehem…she doesn't. I don't blame her, since sometimes I don't even understand myself. You see...if before there were just hinted emotions, here I'm loaded with them." The Jester folded his arms over his chest. "I have to admit she is kind of bold into putting things so…out there and she has a little taste for the kinky, which I like, but I think she misses my point sometimes."

Batman perused the printed pages. "Your point…?"

"I don't think I am that passionate...after all life as well as love are jokes."

"That coming from the man who went insane when his world crumbled around him...and decided to make murder his punch line."

"Yeah...one bad day, that's all it took," the Jester said with resentment. "But at least I live a lot happier, while you...you are still not smiling. What will it take to make you smile?"

"Tell me which hospital has the explosives."

"Hmmm, no, let's play a little more." Joker took a deep drag from his cigar and exhaled a thick ring of smoke that he stabbed serveral times with his finger."I like to have you in chains, torture you a little and make you suffer some because I'm determined on making you laugh the big joke called life and let's face it...I'm a sadistic clown, and here I earn my gold star…have you found it?" Joker laughed loudly. "It left you thinking about love and pain for like a dozen chapters. I think I finally was able to put a smile on your face…a very wide smile."

Batman frowned and advanced towards the Clown. "How dare you even insinuate…"

"Hey, don't take it on me…take it on her. She is the one with the Bat-in-chains-toyed-by-a-horny- clown fetish." Joker protested while pointing up to the sky. "And read what she did with me. Though she tries hard to give me some feelings and emotions, I'm not an emo freak that talks to himself and I need her to tone me down a little. Go back to my roots. I am, hence I kill, then I laugh. That's me. " The Jester retched. "That's where she misses my point…but she's learning. And that's why she's still alive."

"I'm surprised you're talking about all this so…calmly."

"How does it go... he who laughs last...? I'll get her someday for that. What's worst is what other authors are doing with me and Harley. I mean, if your thing is exploring my relationship with Harley, go ahead and write away, but for every good fic, there are a few others that well…wake the deadly clown in me..."

"That happens in any form of literature and don't you love her?" Batman asked. Joker turned to look at the Knight and busted into a crazy laughter. "I thought..."

"Come on, Bats. Don't you have a psychological profile of me in that big computer in the cave? That should give you a little hint. Besides, she giggles and squeals every time I touch her you know where and she's ticklish when we…you know. She thinks everything's funny and then I just want to squeeze the life out of her, because it's my nature. I can't help it, Bats. I like to murder people." Joker shrugged.

"Why do you keep her with you then?"

"I..dunno. There are a lot of people that like seeing us together I guess and as long as they do with good taste and respect, I don't care, but the truth is...I don't like to be stereotyped and between us men, I liked it when I was free. No strings attached. I miss those days. The _Laughing Fsh_ affair, my _Five Way Revenge_. Just you and me. It's not hard to balance both worlds and in this economy is good to have two jobs. "

"Joker, every time you are free, I get concerned."

"I can be the psycho boyfriend during the week and lonely murderous lunatic in the weekends. What I want is the opportunity to be written as my own character in my own plot to be written like that more. I'm not asking for much…I can share the love with all the fans..."

Joker cleared his throat. "Maybe it's because I'm an egocentric, selfish, self-centered bastard, but I also have wonderful stories all by myself that are now classics. I can do that again. I want to create conscience that I am my own man and I can be written as such without Harley around all the time. Why is it more difficult to do that? Both visions and both fandoms are not mutually exclusive are they? I'm sure Harley would be happy to be written by herself in her own adventures too. Even she gets fed up with me sometimes."

"You are on your own now, Joker."

"I know. I guess I'm just impatient and want a little bit more fun than the rest. And Harley? She cooks, her lines are sometimes as funny as yours, and I've used her for my own perverted pleasures, but something tells me that she might just be a...GEE! I never thought I would say this...but i think she has potential. Besides, if she is away doing her own thing, my stress level goes down, I don't kill as many people, and I have much more time to dedicate to you, my favorite toy. "Joker grinned. "Wouldn't that make you happy?"

"I'll never understand you." Batman responded with his eyes, fixed on the Jester "You don't want her around you...and then you want the best for her. I don't get it."

"You don't have to get it. I've just spoken with Jokerlady and she has a valid point. Harley was created with the sole purpose of toning me down for the animated series, nothing else. A comic relief. But she became much more on her own right. She has even given you a whoppin' once or twice, hasn't she? That has to mean something, but I don't think that means...I care for her, right?" The Jester quipped with genuine concern in his eyes.

Batman hinted a little smile that quickly disappeared under the cowl. "I will let you figure that one out."

"Sure, just don't tell Harley I said that. It'll go to her head."Joker shrugged. "But enough about me…It is you the one I need to convince of this lawsuit.'

"Joker, the hospital you're going to blow. There's innocent people there--."

"Shhh. I'm not blowing anything while you're here," Joker interrupted as he walked over the trunk on the table and pulled a portable DVD. He set the portable device on the table beside the trunk and motioned to the Batman to join him. Batman stood beside him as the Jester tried to turn on the DVD player without much success. The Clown Prince set both hands angrily on the table and started to huff. "No power supply and no batteries. You know…this writer is really starting to get on my nerves. She is playing these practical jokes on me and I don't like to be toyed with. She's really asking for it and when people ask for it, I really give it to them in my own twisted way."

"Calm down. Here." Batman said pulling an interesting electronic piece of equipment from his belt which he hooked to the DVD player. He turned on the device and then turned on the DVD.

"Thanks. Handy utility belt you got there." The Joker said with a smile. "Any possibility of me getting a chunk of the patent?"

"Didn't you tried that once?" Batman said with a subtle smile. "I remember you tried to make one before."

"Are you trying to be funny, Bats? She's definitely pushing this...you don't do funny." Joker shook his head. "Anyways, look at this…"

Both enemies looked attentively to the small screen of the portable video device and the figure of a man dressed in a blue and gray bat costume was flapping his cape and wiggling his hips in what looked like some type of neurological disorder.

"What's that?" Batman asked.

"Your show….1960s. And that is the Bat-Tusi. You invented that step and it caused a furor that grabbed the mindless masses of the world. Literally, because you have to have no brain to like that dance."

"I don't dance like that…" The Knight protested

"You blind? And you did it more than once in the show."

"What was I thinking?" The Detective said with a grimace and massaging the bridge of his nose.

"They. That's the problem Bats, our writers sometimes, don't think…at least with the right organ or body part, and they come up with these things. And you know? Even your villains were ridiculously campy in that show." The Jester forwarded the movie and the scene changed to the image of a bicolor version of the Caped Crusader fighting an overgrown Mr. Freeze with a strong foreign accent.

"Now that's more like it."Batman quipped. "At least I'm doing what I was destined to do. Fight evil in Gotham city, even if it is in the form of an overgrown, over-muscled Victor Fries."

"Oh, don't mind the gorilla with the armor. Victor was not too thrilled with the cast selection and he didn't like it when I started calling him the _Govenator_. What you should be looking at is your uniform and the new fad….the BAT NIPPLES."

"The what?" Batman protested leaning over to take a closer look at the tiny screen. "You're kidding."

"When have I joked with you?" The Jester said with a malicious smile. The Batman just stared angrily back at him. "I can think of a few sick, kinky jokes about your kevlar nipples, but I don't think you had that in mind." The Joker wetted his middle fingers with his tongue and touched his chest making a hissing sound. "You thought they would make you sexier didn't you foxy beast?"

"You are really having fun with this…aren't you?" Batman snapped.

"Always…you're my favorite toy." The Jester answered with a wide toothy smile. "What are you waiting for...smile!"

"What about you…anyone put you in a movie?"

Joker stood still glaring at the Detective, then looked up to the sky and closed his eyes as if concentrating. "This is your idea of fun, isn't it girl? Embarrass me in front of him."

"Stop talking to the air, Joker." Batman warned.

The Jester sighed. "I have been in the Superfriend's show, play wits with Scooby Doo (I know, embarrassing that a dog outwits me). I have had a Latino hunk play me with a sensual Spanish accent in your show. I think that is what got Harley hooked on me because she keeps asking me to talk like that."

"That was before she was born."

"Reruns Batsy. She's seen them all and more than once. Call her OCD. Anyways, what really started to annoy me was when they had me use lines like: _'Have you ever danced with the devil…'_. Don't get me wrong, he's a great actor and his portrayal of me has gone down in history as one of the best, but who came up with that? It's like other line in that X-men movie...about toads and lightning. I could have done better…"

"But you were still dangerous...true to your essence."

"Have to admit that, though I could have gone on a diet. But my essence was also present in TDK's Joker. When that boy started to speak about murder, chaos and anarchy…I had to wipe a joyful tear from my eye. Oh, and the pencil magic trick just created a whole new world of possibilities for me. I will have to top that somehow now... Which brings me to you again."

Batman sighed. "What did they do to me this time...?"

"The moment you opened your mouth you sounded like the worst case of laryngitis in the world. I thought: YES! He's got throat cancer and started to laugh when I realized it was all faked."

"You're exaggerating."

"Honest to God. Didn't your throat hurt at the end of the movie? It took me thee viewings and read the novelization to get your dialogue. They even made fun of it on YouTube. It's embarrasing."

"Any embarrassing Joker moments on the screen?"

"Some. There were those Onstar commercials and I wasn't too thrilled with that _'This city needs an enema'_line because it made me sound like your proctologist. I've heard I even made a cameo in South Park, and had made me wrestle heroes on YouTube, but I think my most embarrassing moment though has been with my lines in the comics. I remember one." Joker cleared his throat. _"…So! They laugh at my boner, will they?!"_

Batman let out a soft cackle, but tried to dismiss it by forcing a cough. "I remember that. But you tried to had me make a boner too if I remember correctly."

"I can't believe we're talking about boners…again. After all this time. My boners, your boners." The Joker suddenly started to giggle childishly as he stared at the Crusader beside him. "But nothing compares to the boner you had in that Jokerlady story. I would call it the Bat-boner…"

"Shut up!" The Knight snarled as he pushed the Prince Clown at the shoulder.

"OK, OK…enough about boners." The Jester responded with a shrug. His voice became grave "At least I'm not the Goddamn Batman! Are you a retard?"

"What?"

"One of your best lines. Thank Frank Miller for giving you an IQ of minus ten…." Joker's giggling quickly escalated to a frantic laughter out of control. "And after pushing me like that, your IQ just dropped ten more points. Don't you realize I can still blow up the hospital?"

"Thought you said you were not going to blow anything if I listened to you."

"Until you started to get physical. Anyways, in this story Miller have you kidnap a kid, take him to that damp cave you call home, and project all your frustration on him. Congratulations, you just won the father of the month award."

"It must have been when we were getting to know each other. It can get rough…"

"Excuses." Joker retorted with a frown. "At least the plot is starting to sizzle, especially since they added me in the milieu. Now that one is an interesting take on me. But that tattoo... Hey! Wanna see the tattoo? It goes all the way to--."

"No, thanks. I can buy the comic."

"OK." Joker frowned. "Anyways, you should also protest the abuse in your wardrobe. Fashion makes the man, and what they are making you wear in and out of the media makes you look more like a buffoon."

"What you mean? It's always been a cape, a cowl and armor…Hope you're not bringing up the bat-nipples again."

"No. Let me illustrate…" The Joker flounced over to the trunk and started searching frantically for something deep inside. He pulled an action figure and tossed it to the Knight. More figures followed and the Knight tried to catch them as best as he could. "Here. Have a Rocket Blast Batman, or a Night Glider Batsuit, the Thermal Shield Batman for those hot days of summer and my favorite….the Wing Blast Batman. Hmmm…orange must be in vogue, eh Bats?"

"This is ridiculous," Batman said examining the Wing Blast Batman with his bright orange color and hard plastic wing array. "…and unpractical. Who came up with these designs?"

"Toy companies. And you will never even wear three quarters of them. They just want to sell, and sell and sell. And you're a great seller." Joker took the Wing Blast Batman from the Detective's hand. "...even in a bright neon orange outfit. I will be able to find you in the darkest night with this one, even with my eyes closed." The Clown Prince busted in a hysterical laughter.

"That is illegal. Batsuits are my patented design."

"Not anymore....."Joker said playfully. "That's why we need to sue and that reminds me…my last subject is going to be art because I'm a renowned homicidal artist." Joker said when he held his head on his hands and looked surprised. "Hell…I'm now quoting Nicholson…"

"You are…odd."

"No, I'm insane. But I can still tell the difference between art and plain crap. You have artists, like Alex Ross, that capture that air of heroism in his superheroes paintings and have to admit, paints a decent version of me while other artists…well look by yourself." The Jester handed the Knight a copy of _Batman year 100_.

"I personally don't mind this new century art where anatomy is not meant to be accurate, but hell, it has to at least be pleasant to the eye. Isn't that what art is about? And if the plot sucks, at least you have something pretty to look at.

"The plot on this one is not that bad."

"Oh, one that I'm starting to dislike is this Jim Lee guy. Don't take me wrong, I like his art, but why do you have to be all heroic and muscled type and he has to draw me all scrawny and demented with my hair in that I-just-got-hit-by-lightning style. And that nose...I can smell dinner from three miles away, I swear. He has to treat me the same way he treats you, that's the least he could do."

"You're a villain, and you do not work out. You're supposed to look scrawny."

"Oh Bats…you know how to hurt a man in his pride. I think I'm gonna blow that hospital anyways."

"Joker, you promised..."

"Why do I have to be the one looking so sickly? Is not that I have a terminal wasting disease you know? I'm healthy, a little touched from the head, but otherwise healthy as an ox."

"You're the villain."

"No fair. They pumped up Victor for that movie." Joker said flexing his arm beside him.

"And now Victor is suing…right?"

"Yeah, but villains are charming, handsome. Like Prince Charming from Shrek."

"Villains are supposed to look weak…"

Joker growled. "Now that is just being prejudiced. You know I'm anything but weak, or I wouldn't have lasted this long in your comic books. I've been stabbed, shot, electrocuted, being involved in a plane accident, been caught up in explosions even survived multiple car crashes and here I am. I'm tougher than a rhino's hide. I'm a survivor…not the poster child for the Feed the World Group or the UNICEF. It's just not fair."

"Whatever, Joker, stop whining," Batman said finishing his YEAR 100. "I liked the plot, but I agree. Someone better could have drawn me. At least you don't look like some kid drew you."

"I beg to differ…did you see my _Batman Confidential_ story line? One of Harley's pet hyenas could have drawn me better than that. No concept of proportion, or anatomical detail. And you were not that far behind. Here, I think I have an issue here." Joker said pulling a comic from his trunk.

Batman eyed the cover with disgust. "Sorry, now I know what you mean..."

"S'OK. One more person I have to kill. No biggie. What I can't understand is why he did it. I've seen him before, and the guy can draw better than that." The Jester said with a Jester looked down at his boots. "Well, what do you think? Worth the legal action? I have tons of more exhibits for the court."

"Yes, but you don't think they would wonder how two fictional characters like us decide on taking such a large step? They can just, you know, stop writing us. Maybe even worse, stop drawing us."

"Some of them I wouldn't mind. There are people out there that shouldn't be touching my character at all. They just make me look…like a phony, even in DC. Not everybody can grasp my complex nature...or your anger issues."

"Still, don't you think that it's a little bit risky? What would we do if we ran out of writers and artists because we scare them with this lawsuit? Who would want to tell our stories?"

"You don't see it, do you Bats? We've been around for close to eighty years. We're more than just characters in a children's comic book. We are alive, we are real."

"Now you're talking crazy…"

The Jester shook his head and combed his hair with his hands. "No, think. What makes us such lasting characters? We are them. We are the best and the worse of the people who read us. You have no superpowers or strange appendages or an alien origin. You are human. And you do the best you can with who you are. You inspire people."

"And you?"

Joker smiled one large malicious smile. "Me? I am what happens when you turn off the lights. I'm the necessary evil. I'm the dark force that sets everything in motion. I just do it from the backstage, because you are what they want to see, but I am what they want to feel. You are the Ying, I'm Yang. And together we make up the human soul. We are them, Bats. They can't stop thinking us, they can't stop creating us, because it will be lie stop thinking of themselves. We are an integral part of their lives. I just think that we should get some respect as characters; to be portrayed in a deserving way. Is that too much to ask?"

Batman looked at Joker attentively. Is this the man who had murdered so many people without remorse, talking now about the human spirit?

"No, its not." Batman looked down and then to the Jester that had started to pick up his exhibits. "You know Joker. Sometimes you don't sound so crazy."

"Really? That goes against what mamma and daddy Joker taught this Clown. "The Jester giggled. "And I now remembered I have a hospital to blow."

"Joker, no. I told you I will join you in your lawsuit, but please, don't kill those people."

"That's what I do, Bats…I'm a mass murderer." Joker said simply while searching aggressively in the trunk.

"Then you leave me no option, Joker…I will--."." Batman said pulling a Batarang from his belt. He remembered the lightning before and kept the weapon close to his body now. Joker pulled a large manila envelope that he handed it to the night…. "What's this?"

"I told you I was going to blow a hospital, just never told you how I was going to blow it."

Batman opened the envelope carefully and pulled a series of very large format photographs of a building and details from the façade. Cornices, gargoyles, window panes, brick work. All in extreme close-ups and of the same building He immediately recognized the building. Gotham General Hospital. The Detective looked at the Jester with a large cynical smile. "Blow up…pictures."

"Yes. Every architectural detail blown out of proportion. Never give you what you expect. That is my rule in a world with no rules. Otherwise where will be the fun in messing with you? Now you know what I can do. I can kill hundreds…or just joke around. Depends on the phases of the moon, the day of the week and the type of underwear I'm wearing. And tonight, well, tonight I just feel like a clown. But don't get use to that. I also have my bad days."

"All this…just to show me?"

"Because what affects you…affects me. I have a reputation to keep and a standard of enemies I need to maintain. And there is a small part of me that likes you, even for a microsecond. The rest of the time it is Me against You. Now if you want to do something about the writers and artists I'll need some paperwork for you to sign."

"Sure, you want me to sign tonight?"

"No…couldn't risk bringing legal documents here not knowing how you were going to react. Finding a lawyer that is willing to work for me has proven to be a daunting task and the fees? Ridiculous. I will send all the paperwork to your mansion, how about that?"

"Do you know where I live?" Batman asked with some concern in his voice. Joker just stared back at the night with a sardonic smile. Of course he knew. He knew everything that needed to be known to be the best foe he had ever encountered. Batman looked up to the sky and lifted an angry fist. "Hey girl. This is for keeping me in a cage for three weeks without a shower or a porta-potty. You crazy amateur!"

Joker started to laugh hysterically. Lou and Punch just exchanged confused looks. The Jester set up a hand over the Knight's shoulder. "Go home Bats. You're starting to lose your mind and there can only be one demented genius in this town. Yours truly. Tell Gordon the good news before he gets a coronary, trying to evacuate every single hospital in the city." The Clown Prince turned to his thugs. "OK boys, time to pick up the tent and move on. The show must go on."

Joker saw Batman fire his grappling gun and leave the terrace. It was then that he looked up into the sky, the moon shining brightly high above his head. He smiled. In front of him on the table a cup of warm tea waited for him. He grabbed the cup and smelled the elixir, and enjoyed the fragrance at the same time he licked his lips. He had spoken for so long had not realized how parched his throat felt. He took a sip of the tea and felt the tingle of orange on the back of his tongue. His favorite. He raised the cup of tea up towards the sky. "You know you're not my favorite cup of tea, girl…but thanks."

FIN

Hope you liked this especial treat. I know it's strange and a little long, but I had fun writing it.


	2. Part 2: THE ATTORNEY'S OFFICE

_**EDITED, EDITED, EDITED, EDITED, EDITED, EDITED, EDITED, EDITED, EDITED, EDITED.**_

_**Author's note:**__ OK guys. I know that this was supposed to be a one shot, but then it occurred to me, what would a visit to the attorney might be like with Joker and Batman. This is made for giggles, so if you find yourself smiling (even a little) at the end of the story, my mission will be accomplished. Please leave me word of what you liked most and if you just hated it...well tell me too. I'm always open to criticism. If this installment is a little bit long for one simple reason...I wanted to get all the juice I could from an attorney office visit because I will have only once chance to do it._

_**Author's note #2: **__Here__we are again, this time to clarify my message that got lost in all the tsunami of ideas. Hope nobody drowned. Anyways, just to clarify. I like ALL FANDOMS, and think there is no superior fandom that holds all the cards where Joker is concerned, but I want to see other possibilities being explored in the world of Batman, and done right. We can have them all in Imaginaryland (there are still parcels available for all our ideas)...together, leaving in harmony and peace, and feeding from each other's creativity. _

_Oh, and the fact that I have a personal opinion about certain things does not mean that I'm superior to anyone. I'm just one of the bunch with the same biases, defects and virtues of the human species that likes using her brain every once in a while. Anybody who thinks must have an opinion. _

_Finally, this satire, splashed of nonsense comedy, was created to entertain, lighten up different subjects, and make you think on others. Please don't take anything that I say personal, and just lighten up. Oh, and following the structure of a satire, OOC will be common as well as exaggeration, parody, and incongruity. Just relax and enjoy__the show._

_DISCLAIMER 1: Batman and all related characters belong DC COMICS_

_DISCLAIMER 2: None of the ideas spilled in this piece are meant to offend anyone, nor are they in any way used to demean authors, artists, or fans. Remember, this is a satire. The only reason these ideas exist are to make you laugh as you read. Hope no one take the statements presented in this piece the wrong way. Please Enjoy!!!_

**CLASS ACTION FILES: THE ATTORNEY'S OFFICE**

William Strainbacker: Attorney at law.

He was probably one of the best civil court layers in the country, and he had the walls of his office covered with awards and mentions to prove it, but in all his years of practice he never dreamt of having in his office the intimidating Dark Knight sitting in front of him waiting to be represented.

Batman wasn't fictional anymore; the vigilante now sat in front of him reading some files he had brought to present his case. Wait until his colleagues found out who he was representing, William thought. This case would be greater than OJ Simpson's, Roe vs. Wade…they might even make a movie out of it…

But the more he thought about it, the more he realized he didn't have a lot to be happy about. After all, the Detective was only one of two plaintiffs…and the other was more dangerous than Hitler, Ted Bundy and Charles Manson combined with an added taste of pure insanity. The infamous Joker. This criminal was known to have killed a few thousand people including a kindergarten class according to legend. The Jester was just running late, but he was not one you wanted to clown around with, and he will have to deal with him soon. He thought of his wife and twin sons and began to worry. Strainbacker wondered if his life insurance company will pay benefits after being murdered by a demented comic book villain…

The Joker and the Batman, here in his office. Unbelievable. But, weren't these two sworn enemies? That could translate into deep trouble. The lawyer cleared his throat loudly catching the attention of the Knight who lifted his eyes from his reading to look at Strainbacker with cold icy blue eyes. The Detective turned his face to look at the clock on the wall beside him and then back to the attorney.

"He'll be here soon." The Batman responded in a raspy thunderous voice that gave William the chills.

"I know. Hmm, I just wanted to know. I mean…" The attorney intertwined his fingers on the table to hide his shaky hands and leaned forward as if sharing an intimate secret. "Is this part of a master plan to catch the Clown? Because if it is…I need to know what to expect."

"Unfortunately not this time, Mr. Strainbacker." Batman responded simply trying to sound casual. "We're trying to start a class action lawsuit against our writers and creators."

"You and the Joker? Together? Now that's a good joke." William said with a loud cackle escaping his throat. The Knight was not amused and it showed behind the cowl as Strainbacker felt the temperature between them drop a few degrees. He started to twiddle his pen absentmindedly. "Oh God…this is not a joke, is it?"

"No."

"But the Joker is a psychopathic killer, a mass murderer, and a serial killer. All at the same time. Shouldn't he be in jail or in that psychiatric hospital he lives in?"

"In Gotham, yes he is. But may I remind you that here in Florida he has not committed a crime yet."

"The guy has a reputation of going nuts and then murdering people by the dozen. He is just a loose cannon, a grenade waiting to explode. He is a very serious risk to all of us."

"He promised me he was going to behave."

Strainbacker looked at the Detective in disbelief as he scratched his head with the pen. "And you believed him? Sorry, Mr. Batman, but I find it very disturbing to hear my life depends on a promise made by a psychopath. You know what he's capable of better than anyone else."

"And that's why I'm asking you to trust me, Mr. Strainbacker." The Detective answered bitterly. "I can assure you that as long as I'm here neither you nor any citizens of your city will be harmed. Would you have preferred to deal with the Joker all by yourself?"

William pondered on the idea of him dealing with the Joker by himself and didn't like the odds of him surviving such an encounter. "No, no. I guess you're right. It's just that this is so…"

"…unusual."

"Yeah," William quipped as he tapped the pen against his file when he was surprised by a commotion coming from the reception area next door. There was a loud ear piercing female scream followed by a thud and then a hysterical laughter. Batman tossed his files on Strainbacker's desk and rushed to open the office door. Behind it, the Joker stood in a bright purple suit and a yellow polka dot bowtie, holding a large cardboard box between his hands. The Jester smiled affectionately at the Dark Knight before pushing his way through into the office.

"Well, that was just very kind of you, Batsy." The Clown Prince said between giggles. "This box was too bulky to allow me open the freaking door. By the way…the girl in reception? I think she's gonna need a doctor."

Batman grunted and rushed towards reception while Strainbacker glared at the Jester as he approached him. "What did you do to her?"

"Nothing, I swear," the Joker responded sheepishly. "I just told her I was here for my appointment and she dropped to the floor. I think she might have been searching for a contact lens or maybe she just bowed at my grandiosity…I dunno."

The Jester set the large box on Strainbacker's desk and started to straighten his suit when Batman walked back into the office waving a sharp Joker card in his hand. The fury behind those blue eyes was intense as he gave the Clown a dirty look.

"Your secretary is going to be fine, Mr. Strainbacker. She just fainted and you Joker…you should've known better."

"What?"The Joker responded with a smug shrug as he attached a silver Clown brooch on his left lapel where he used to have his flowery boutonniere. "She asked for a picture ID and I showed her my ID card. You have your bat-signal, Gordon has his badge, and I have a playing card that can make you bleed. Where's the problem?"

"The problem is you threw this at her. That's why she fainted."

"No, I didn't throw it at her. I threw it at HER DESK. Sorry, but my hands were busy with the box so I improvised. And I usually don't miss with those just so you know."

Strainbacker pulled a handkerchief from his brown suit and wiped the sweat from his brow. He murmured what seemed like a prayer and spoke under his breath. "This is going to be one loooooong meeting."

Joker stared angrily at the attorney. "Didn't you hear me say I'm sorry? It's not like I killed her or anything, but now that I think about it, maybe I should've. Asking me for a picture ID…that was dumb. How many people look like me in this town, seriously?"

"You promised to behave."

"And I am, Bats…GEEZ! All this for a picture ID. Imagine if I would have asked her out for a date." The Jester combed his green mane with his hands, adjusted his bowtie and sighed. "Oh, and I'm also suing the taxicabs of this town. Paying thirty-five bucks to get me here made me felt like I was being mugged by the Love Guru. Ohh, and when he asked me if I was a member of the cast for Cirque du Soleil…. That was just wrong, deadly wrong."

"Joker…" Batman warned with what sounded almost like a growl.

"You're lucky I didn't want to start and international incident, but I can tell you that I was this close to send him to meet his Hindi pantheon…me a member of Cirque du Soleil…" Joker clasped his hands together and smiled. "Now that that's out of my chest…are we ready to start this party?"

"That is so politically incorrect…" Strainbacker muttered as he wiped some more of the sweat that started to drip from his forehead. The attorney looked at the Knight with pleading eyes. "I…I don't think I can do this…"

"Nonsense," Joker said searching in his cardboard box and pulling a thick file in a purple folder and a stack of comic books. "You're the best lawyer in this city, we are paying you a killing, and just think of all that you can get from this. Interviews with Larry King and Tom Brokaw, book contracts that will make JK Rowling green with envy, and maybe your face in a cereal box…or a milk carton. I'll let you choose on that one." Joker chuckled.

"Enough! It's going to be fine, I promise." Batman assured the nervous lawyer while taking his place beside the Jester. Joker grimaced and made a raspberry at the Knight. The Detective picked up his stack of folders and sat in front of Strainbacker.

"Yes, it's going to be fine." The Jester repeated mimicking the Knight's raspy voice. "And for your peace of mind, Willy, I'm not planning on killing you…unless, of course, we lose this case." Strainbacker's eyes opened in horror as he pushed himself back a few paces from the Clown Prince. The Jester busted in a crazy laughter. "I'm just kidding. How can I kill you when I like you this much? You are so easy to fuck with…"

"Stop it!" Batman snapped.

"OK, OK sourpuss. What a mood, man. Sure you don't need Midol or something, Bats?" The Jester retorted glaring at the Detective. "Well, Willy, you had a chance to read over the case?"

"William…my name is William." Strainbacker said with an acid tone on his voice. He hated being called that and no one had called him Willy, since he was fifteen years old. "And yes, I have read the case and even consulted with a few specialists friends of mine. They all said it's impossible, but I prefer to call it a challenge."

"I like this guy, Bats." Joker said with a wild smile. "Let's see how long he can amuse me…"

"How good are our chances to go through with this lawsuit, Mr. Strainbacker?" Batman asked simply eyeing the Clown Prince with some resentment.

"I will be sincere with you Mr. Batman. The chances are slim, but that shouldn't discourage us. This is a valid reason to sue, because your reputation is the key issue here. A fictional character taking it back to its creators has not being done before and it's gonna make the headline and create a trend." Strainbacker smiled wide.

"I'm sure that Harry Potter kid would like to hire you…or maybe that guy Jason from Friday 13. They have killed him like in ten movies and that has to hurt…a lot."

"Which brings me to the next subject. You realize that we're dealing with intellectual property here, right?" Strainbacker explained.

"It stops being intellectual property when it starts to make me uncool." The Jester protested. "I have a reputation to keep."

"I know, and that's where we need to start. First, we have to take you away from your fictional context and give you a place in our reality so we can apply the laws we have here to your case."

"I don't get it…real?" The Clown Prince said as he leaned closer to the layer's desk. "If I'm in your office and I'm having an amicable conversation with you. Doesn't that make me real?"

"Not necessarily because you're suing for things that you have been forced to do and say in Gotham. The city is still fictional."

"Thus enforcing the fact that if we live in a fictional place, we are fictional characters and the laws of the real world do not apply to us." Batman concluded.

"Exactly." Strainbacker responded pointing his pen triumphantly at the Detective. "You're good."

"Hold your horses for a moment," the Jester protested pointing a thin gloved finger at the attorney. "You're telling me I have to have an address to sue? What about the people living in the middle of nowhere, or those that live down under or those that are said to live in LA LA land? Are they any less real?"

Strainbacker looked at the Clown strangely. This nonsensical discussion was leading nowhere, and then he remembered who he was talking to. "Mr. Joker, even those people have real addresses…"

"Well, if you want to prove how real I am, I can go and kill a few random people. That would make me VERY real."

"You're not killing anybody, Joker." Batman snapped.

"Awww, come on, Batsy…just one or two random losers found happily murdered in an alley."

"No, no. That wouldn't be necessary. I'll find a way to prove you're not fictional anymore. And please, Mr. Joker, call me William. Not Willy." Strainbacker responded nervously sifting through the pages of his report. Murder was a subject that always made him nervous and with the Joker it was a very real threat. "Well, there are other more important matters we need to discuss."

"True, but I don't have time to talk about me. Can we talk about the case instead?" Joker said joyfully as Strainbacker looked incredulous at the Clown Prince. "Did you have a chance to read the fiction I emailed you?"

"Yes I did and I can understand why it does bother you. Some of it is good, other is just bad..."

"Now you understand how important it is that we set some standards of good fiction. We have to look over the young minds that might be getting access to this material."

"Sure, Bats. And what do you think, Willy? Me on top and the rat at the bottom? How do you like it?"

"Joker, you don't need to go into the details…" Batman warned angrily while the Jester started to giggle maliciously.

"No, no. It's OK, Batman. I had had some gay studies when I was in college and I can really identify with…"

"You calling me gay, Willy?" the Clown prince growled at the attorney with green fire sprouting from his pupils. This Clown was not smiling anymore, but looked more like a coiled King cobra ready to strike. Strainbacker started to sweat again.

"No, no. I mean. Ehem…I would like to get something straight…"the attorney wiped his forehead and mumbled another prayer. "That is not what I meant to say either. I'm not saying you're gay, I'm just saying that some of this literature makes you look gay."

"Really…" The Clown Prince sneered. "There is NOTHING wrong with being gay...it is a choice."

"Joker…" Batman warned.

"Let him talk, Bat's. I'm listening…" Joker prompted the attorney to continue. Strainbacker swallowed. "…'cause I can smell a little bit of homophobia here."

"I'm not homophobic. What I mean is that what you do behind closed doors is your own business. It doesn't have to be in the public eye for scrutiny."

The Joker looked at the attorney attentively. His green emerald eyes narrowed to tiny slits as he focus on the blue orbs that glinted in Strainbacker's face. "I'll drink to that. It's a common mistake of people to set tags on me just because the way I behave. That I call the rat beside me 'sweetheart' and 'darling' doesn't mean anything, right? You seem like a sweetheart too, Willy. I am much more than what you see around in the media and my sexual preferences, just like my concepts of law and order are very… very unique."

"Killing people is still against the law, even here." Batman said. "And it's not funny."

"And writing us together is fun for a lot of people. It's a matter of opinion." The Jester said shaking his head and a sad expression in his eyes. He turned slowly to Strainbacker and smiled politely. "The point I wanted to make before I was so abruptly interrupted Willy, is that regarding sexuality, I'm all and I'm none, because I'm beyond your morals, and your silly rules. I am just me… sometimes gay, sometimes hetero, but deadly every time. And regarding Harley and the Bat…they're both mine to play with, though I'd prefer to play with the rat more because it's more challenging. You know why?"

'Play? I thought you hated him." Strainbacker answered.

"No, I play with him…until he suffers, because after you've reached rock bottom, nothing else will make you suffer anymore. You lose yourself in a world where everything has to be better, because it can't get any worse and you feel happier. Isn't that what love is about, making the other happy? There is not love without some type of suffering, simply stated."

"That is just…"

"Twisted, I know. My sex appeal… what can I do? It's written in my genes. But you will get the joke one day and understand." Joker smiled as politely as he could, but that didn't prevent the hair on the back of Strainbacker's neck to stay on end. This man was really insane.

William let out a nervous chuckle. "Well, I don't know if we can get any money from that, but at least we can demand that they stop writing you two together you know…intimately. That is a good first step I guess."

"That would be great…" Batman said shifting weight on his chair.

"Hold on…no more secret chapters?" The Jester responded looking sadly. "But I wanna see what happens next. Creativity is the mother of the most interesting love scenes I've ever been involved.

"I thought that would make you happy." Strainbacker said as he noticed the Batman eyeing the Clown with surprise.

"You don't seem to understand. I'm obsessed with this man. I can't live without him. Everything I always do, I do for him. What's wrong with intimacy, anyways? It's just one more way of getting to him…"

"I'm not having sex with you, just to let you know." Batman protested.

"Never say never...and for your information, there is more than one way of making love. Not everything's physical, Mr. Bat-pervert. The love we share is something beyond physical. We are opposites that attract each other. You need me and I need you…and you need to use more KY jelly before knocking on the back door." The Jester pulled a bright orange handkerchief from his suit and blew his nose. "And I also need to kill this stupid writer that keeps making me emotional. Look at me, I'm a mess. Give me a phone book…I'm gonna find her…"

"Joker I doubt she followed you here." Batman said softly.

"Ho, ho, ho…fooled again, Bats. We are all part of a big play and someone else writes our part all the time, no matter how much we think we are in control. In our world they are Jokerladys, Whitesrains, Grant Morrisons, Ed Brubakers or whatever we wanna call them. Here they have their names too and some are even worshiped."

"Mr. Joker, I assure you no one is writing you now. There's no way. You're on the real world."

"Real world…?" Joker responded cynically. "How do you know this is real and you're not part of someone else's dream? How can you be sure that no one is writing YOUR story?"

"Because I'm free to make my own decisions. I make my own life."

"That's what we thought," The Clown Prince said pointing motioning towards him and the Detective, "and look at us here, suing our writers for messing with our lives. Who can say for sure there is not a master writer that scripts everybody's part and just has a good laugh when you take a step forward and say…_I'm the owner_ _of my destiny_? She then puts the banana peel under your foot just to laugh her ass off when you fall. All that to prove how little and insignificant you really are."

"I… I prefer to think I govern my life."

"Oh you're going to be on for a rude awakening, Willy…" Joker said with an evil smile.

"Again…my name is William. Can we just go on with the case, please?" Strainbacker piped softly faking a smile.

"Sure, why not. There is always time to wake up and smell the coffee."

Strainbacker shook his head disdainfully. "You're suing Jerry Lewis and Scooby doo for misrepresenting your character, right Joker?"

The Jester pulled an old comic book from the stack on the desk and handed it to the attorney that started sifting through its pages. "Yes. They drew me in issue 97 of Jerry Lewis comic book and they didn't even ask me about it. Then they tell me I have to dress like a kangaroo and hop around the set making stupid jokes and laughing like a retard. I also guest starred on an episode of Scooby Doo, only to have that stinky mutt chase me all over the set as well. That was not in my contract."

"I see…"

Joker leaned forward over Strainbacker's desk and motioned the attorney to move closer. The lawyer leaned towards the Clown Prince. "And nobody knows this, but between scenes, the damn dog thought it will be hilarious t pee all over my wardrobe. He and his Shaggy friend has a good laugh, while my wardrobe was ruined and no one paid for it. I'm gonna have that pooch neutered and THEN I'm gonna euthanize him."

"Calm down Mr. Joker or you're gonna end up with PETA on your case."

"I have intentionally caused pain to Cats, Robins, flying rodents and Gotham's finest pigs. Do I look like I care for PETA…? Seriously."

"I'll see what I can do, but no animal cruelty here in Florida, OK? We don't need PETA in this case." Strainbacker said making a note on his file. "And you Mr. Batman want to sue the 1960's Batman show for….

"Making fun of my mission and my persona. I was not created to be the bottom of jokes."

"Neither to do the Batusi, YUCK!"

"I can do this on my own, Joker. Thank you." Batman said pulling some pictures from his file. "These are some images from the episode in question and as you can see the moves are…a little disturbing. Also take a look at the list of villains I was written to face, including Zsa Zsa Gabor as the deadly beautician, Egghead, King Tut, and the Bibliophile, just to mention a few. What happened to the classic villains from the books? What happened to the intelligent plots? I would have liked some respect…"

"Well, Twofers was too ugly to put in a kid's show, but nobody was as charming as me, with my sensual Spanish accent and my painted over white moustache Ahhh, those were the days."

"My work is to be taken seriously. I'm a crime fighter and not the comedic relief for an audience."

"Mr. Batman with all due respect...I grew up with the Batman show. I waited every week for those episodes, and some of those episodes were good, had a message."

Joker leaned over and held the attorney's hand. "Oh my boy…I'm so sorry. You want to join us in the lawsuit if you want? You can become our poster child." Joker crossed his eyes and stuck his tongue out. "THIS IS YOUR BRAIN IN THE BATMAN SHOW....ONLY THING LEFT TO DO...BECOME A LAWYER. DUH!"

"Joker, shut up! This is my claim."

"But Bats, he said he's saying he actually enjoyed the show…"

"Like any other child, at the time…It was a kid's show." Strainbacker explained.

"But it lost focus. My message got diluted by all the memorabilia and toys I could sell." Batman closed his folder and looked at the attorney straight int the eye. "That's the problem, Mr. Strainbacker. It's so easy to lose perspective, and it was easier to make people laugh at my expense than be kept at the edge of your seat like in the old detective serials. As a character, I don't care who writes me...as long as they write me being true to my nature. What they were writing was a parody of my dedication to the citizens of Gotham city."

"Wow, Bats...that's deep...even for you."

"Isn't this is all about that? Demanding to be done right?" Batman stated slamming a fist on his armrest. "Even that 1943 serial, with all its limitations, tried to portray me as a serious detective and there were no supervillains there."

"My God...1943?" Joker peeped as he searched frantically through his purple file. "You really did your homework, Bats, 'cause I don't think I went that far in my research."

"And there is also this new _BATMAN MANUAL_ explaining my crime fighting techiques to the public. Not only does this type of material put innocent people at risk, but also hinders my work, when I depend so much in the element of surprise. I'm sure you understand that, William."

"Well, now that you put it that way…I'll see what I can do with this, Mr. Batman. Yours is an interesting claim, it has depth. Yours Joker…is a little more complicated."

"I'm not complaining. I liked my Spanish accent. It made me sexy. And I'm happy with my 1940 appearance."

"I'm not referring to the show now. You're suing DC for messing your mind with…inconsistencies of continuity. How come?"

"My origin, Willy. I had had multiple versions of it and you know what that does to a man's psyche, right? I'll tell you, it gives me a new psychosis every time and then I have to kill more people to shake it off." The Jester started to search frantically on his stack and pulled THE _KILLING JOKE_ and _BATMAN CONFIDENTIAL._

"Here. I have been _Red Hood_ before but they finally put it together with the _Killing Joke_, which was not that bad altogether with Brian Bolland's art, but then they gave me yet another one in _Mask of the Phantasm_, and then a brand new one in _Confidential_. Oh and let's not forget that nice attempt in Batman Black and White 4, and the one Jokerlady tried to give me. It's starting to get to me. Can they just make up their minds?"

"I can see why you're confused." Strainbacker piped eyeing the comics that the Jester had handed him. "But--."

"It's not only my state of mind that is fragile as it is, Willy. It's the fact that I don't need an origin to be me. I kill, hence I exist." The Joker gesticulated with an artistic flare. "If only they did it to give me a piece of mind, but they're just doing it for the sales."

"The only way I see this one winning, is if I can tie the emotional damage caused by the multiple origins to your murderous tendencies, let me see what I can do." Strainbacker piped jotting down a note. "Mr. Batman you said you're having problems with your schedule at DC, right?"

"Yes. They keep putting me in title after title without any considerations to other responsibilities. I have a business empire to run and I would like to have some time off to seek other, less stressing endeavors."

"He needs time to practice the Bat-Tusi." Joker piped

Batman glared at the Clown and Strainbacker cleared his throat. "What titles are you currently in Mr. Batman?"

"_Batman, Detective Comics, Batman confidential, Batman Superman, Batman and the outsiders, All Star Batman and Robin, Brave and Bold, Trinity_, _The Batman_ animated, and had done cameos in _Nightwing, Robin, _and _Tangent_ titles. I'm also a regular in the _JLA_ titles."

"My Joker graphic novel. Don't forget you gave me a woopin' at the end of the book."

"Wow. That is quite an agenda, Batman. I'll see if they want to cut some of your load."

"And find out if they can cut something else…" Joker said running a hand across his neck.

"That's not funny…" Batman protested through icy blue eyes.

"Oh yes it is…and I was referring to sidekicks. Yours and mine." Joker puckered his ruby red lips and threw silent kisses at the Knight. "The sidekicks always get on the way between us."

"I am going to put a restraining order on you." Batman snapped. "You're too obsessed with that slash fiction."

"Maybe he wants to know how bats make love." Joker quipped sadly pointing a thumb at the attorney. "Think of it as a National Geographic documentary..."

"Not really…" Strainbacker muttered as he went though the file absentmindedly. "I just want to get this case through."

"Meanie…." Joker growled. "And I have been over represented in fiction lately. _Cacophony_ and _Joker_ graphic novel the latest, _Batman, All Star Batman_ and _Detective Comics, Batman Confidential, Birds of Prey_, cameos in _Countdown, DC Universe 0, Batman and Superman_ where I found out there is a miniature version of me. I've also appeared in Dumbwing's title where I wasn't even real, and that Halloween series. Not to mention all that TDK promo all over the web and some video games and magazine covers. I'm overworked, underpaid, underloved and I need a drink."

"Made a note of that too. Though I thought you liked the attention."

"I do like the attention, but I also like a good plot to go with it. Basically what I want is less work, good sex with me on top and less emotional drama. Like when Jokerlady writes me. That's so much drama that I need a vacation between her stories."

"Yes, sure."

Joker looked at the attorney suspiciously. "Excuse me, I'm not amused anymore and I think it's time for you to die, Willy."

"JOKER!"

"Mmmhmm." Strainbacker said absentmindedly writing something on his file. Batman looked at the attorney in disbelief.

"Are you losing interest, Willy?" Joker sneered.

"What? No, I'm fine. Just taking notes for the case." Strainbacker rubbed his eyes and opened the drawer on the right hand side of his desk finding a large cup with steaming coffee in it. "What the hell…?"

"What is it, Mr. Strainbacker?" Batman asked with concern leaning over to take a look.

"A cup of coffee. I opened the drawer to get my glasses and I find a cup of coffee."

Joker sniffed the air. "Hazelnut Latte with an extra shot of Espresso. Excellent taste, Willy. That's just a nice eye opener if you ask me, can you smell it?"

"Yes, it's my favorite, but I didn't put it in here and please…stop calling me Willy. It's becoming really annoying." Strainbacker pulled the cup from the drawer and set it carefully on the table with its warming unit. He went back to the drawer and extracted a pair of reading glasses that he accommodated over his nose.

"Sure…Willy, but if you didn't put the coffee in there, where did it come from?"

"This is…a practical joke. Probably my secretary. Maybe it's one of your jokes. I don't know."

"I have not been in this office before." Joker said with a wide smile of satisfaction. "Maybe someone else is looking after you."

"Whatever," William said picking his pen and silently sifting a few pages of his file. His attention was attracted by a loud knocking from the entrance door. Someone was knocking with enough force to make the whole door vibrate. "That's odd. I don't have any more appointments until this evening. Who is this?"

"Lettuce." A loud squeaky feminine voice responded on the other side followed by a giggle.

"Lettuce who?" Joker asked loudly, chuckling.

"Lettuce in and you'll find out!" The woman answered opening the door. At the entrance, stood Harley Quinzel, dressed up in a tight black and red leather bodice and leather pants in the same color pattern as her red and black criminal costume. She wore her blonde hair in two bouncy pigtails and heavy makeup. Unlike the Harlequin costume, this outfit was quite revealing, with naked shoulders, a marked cleavage, and very tight pants. Leather boots up to the ankles and gloves in the same costume colors finished the picture.

"MY PUMKIN!!" Joker said rising from the chair to face the blonde girl.

"Jokie Pooh!" She responded running to the Joker's arms. They both embraced affectionately and started to twirl and kiss around the office.

"Ms. Quinzel…you don't have an appointment today." William explained.

"No, she doesn't." The Joker responded with a really childlike look on his face as he looked up and down Harley's outfit. "But she came to give support to her loving psychopath. WOW Harley! What's with the new look?"

"You like?" She said sheepishly modeling in front of the Jester. "I bought it from DC after the _Joker_ graphic novel. You seemed to like it when I dressed up like this. Look, I even put on the accessories." Harley pointed innocently to the large commando knife hanging from her waist

"Who wouldn't? It makes you look like eye candy for the perverts who don't pay attention and I can then have some fun when they're not looking. If only you could shut up like in the graphic novel…"

Harley slapped the Joker playfully and wagged a warning finger. "Ah, ah…not in front of the rodent...or the suit."

"Slap me again and I will not only pull all that leather outfit off you, but I'm also going to peel the skin off you bones with that very same knife. That clear…'sweetheart'? The clothes not always make the woman…or the bitch."

"You're so funny, Mistah J." Harley responded blowing some bubble gum. She jumped onto the attorney's desk and crossed her legs sensually. "You've been taking your pills? Everybody is talking about that. "

Joker could almost hear a soft laugh from the Harlequin. The Jester started to yell a top of his lungs. "I wasn't trying to be funny now. AND STOP TALKING ABOUT THE FUCKING PILLS! Why has that caused such a commotion? It's all drama…"

"Are you like this all the time?" Strainbacker asked the pair of clowns in his office. Joker looked at him befuddled. "I mean…You kiss and then you're at each other's throats…?"

"MMMMM....yeah!" Harley said in a playful tone as she twirled one pigtail in a finger. "Thought you knew…"

"Does it bother you, Willy?" Joker snapped angrily at the attorney. Strainbacker shook his head and started to stutter nervously. "Thought so. It's always been this way. What I do with my gal is none of your business, so if I ever hear another peep on the subject from you, you're out of the case…or any other case. There were more lawyers in the Yellow Pages, you know?"

"Joker!" Batman warned

"What? He's invading my privacy," the Jester protested. "Wouldn't you be bothered if he starts inquiring what you do with young boys in a dark cave in the middle of the night? It's none of his business."

"Don't be so harsh, Mistah J. Willy over here does not us that well," Harley explained blowing some bubblegum . "We have a lot of adventures together. What? Like twenty years of adventures, right Puddin'?"

Joker nodded. "Give or take. And we had a lot of fun all those years, haven't we, Pumpkin?"

"True, but I am ready for the next chapter. The one where I can star in the spotlight of my own life. Look....I'm a star! I'm ready for my close up now, Mr. Scorcesse."

"They will still write you with me because I give meaning to your existence, darling."

"Ohhh, poor Mistah J, fooled by his own superinflated ego...hope the wake up is not too rough." Harley reclined her head tenderly against the Jester's chest and sighed. "I just want to explore some new waters. I want to solve an important case, or maybe kidnap somebody important."Harley scratched her head. "I'm intelligent, sexy, and cute like Catwoman. I'm also strong, acrobatic and cunning like Batgirl, I can be as sensual as Ivy, and I've been trained by a master nutcracker like my Mistah J so I can be anything I want to be."

"Almost sounds like you want to take over my sandbox." Joker sneered.

"More like share. Gotham is a big city. No offense, Puddin' but I can spread my wings by myself now. You can take that cruise to the Bahamas you've always said you deserved and I'll take care of this city. We can all live together in perfect harmony…"

"And still have wonderful sadomasochistic sex." Strainbacker's eyes opened wide.

"It's always about you…isn't it?"Harley growled."Only if it adds to the plot. And you have to play it nice."

"See what I was telling you Bats? Adorable. Totally out of her mind and so annoyingly naive that makes you want to slash her throat." Joker piped while embracing the blonde girl. "Someday I will. OK, that's enough slobbering, Harl. Get off me and try to look intelligent for the lawyer."

Batman just looked down and shook his head while Strainbacker tapped his pen over his files in an almost automatic way. Joker and his henchgal were something that he never understood. They were funny in the animated series, but like Harley had said, the relationship was getting old. Love and hate, intermingled in a dish of insanity that made absolutely no sense. Could one of those writers be responsible of this dysfunctional association? Joker pushed Harley away disdainfully and sat on the chair at the attorney's desk.

"Ms. Quinzel, what do you want to get from this lawsuit?"

"I want more stories, where I can use my talents fully. I was the deluded psychologist who fell in love with her psychotic patient years ago, and I think I have grown to be more than that. I made my entrance into continuity from an animated series, doesn't that count? Tell me other character that has accomplished that. I have withstood demeaning behaviors from my so called boyfriend and he…well, look for yourself. Does he seem to even care?"

Joker shrugged and smiled. "You knew what you were bargaining for when you took this gig, Harley. I'm the brilliant psycho killer with the twisted sense of humor and the anger management issues you decided to fall in love with. Deadly combination. I thought that's all you wanted. Live dangerously."

"And I thought we would be more, with time…and here we are, decades later. Just like day one." Harley blew a few bubbles of her gum. "Why are people scared of writing my full potential without you...I don't get it. I had fun years running errands with you, Puddin, and there are still good writers in our fandom that can produce a good, entertaining story. Blessed their hearts...finding new innovative ways of telling our story with a premise as old as dirt is not easy but why not produce good literature on my own too? Someone must've thought of that already. My miniseries...."

"You got into that Amazon training thing in Countdown," Strainbacker said pulling some issues from the Joker's stack. "And didn't you deal with Riddler on your own? I read a few of them."

"And in Gotham adventures 10, you tried to be free of your past." Batman reminded her. "Tried to break the mold. I was there."

"And then what? What am I doing with all that training? Did anybody follow the trend started after issue 10?" Harley made a pause to blow another bubble and crossed her legs over Strainbacker's papers. She took the gum from her mouth and stuck it under the desk, while she opened a Lifesaver's strawberry lollipop. "Sometimes I feel just like a supporting character, nothing else. I can take the main role every once in a while. Don't you think I deserve it after putting up with you for so long, Mistah J?"

Joker scoffed, but remained silent.

"You said something about her having potential, Joker." Batman said when Joker lifted a warning hand to the Detective.

"Did I?" The Jester responded with an innocent shrug. "Oh, Bats, you can't keep a secret can you? Oh well, I wish things could be different. You, are special, Pumpkin, but there is this part of me that says that since I made you I own you. It's a difficult feeling to shake. Remember what I did to that guy because I thought he was flirting with you in No Man's Land? I lost my mind."

"You lost your mind long time before that, Mistah J and don't forget I used to have my own series." Harley thrust her chest proudly "Mine, with my name in large big letters on top of the cover. HARLEY QUINN."

"And it got cancelled, right? What a joke, HA! How many times did they have to put me in the issues, just to boost sales, eh?"

"Mr. Joker…please." Strainbacker tried to interject without success. Both clowns were absorbed in their ranting.

"That's because the writers lost my essence. They were 38 issues of possibilities, and they just....Blagh! Threw up in my parade. I demand another try. This time with a team that believes in me." Harley responded acidly as she smacked the Joker softly on the back of his head. The Jester messed his wild curly green mane and rose angrily to face the blonde clown now grinning at him. "And let's not forget that YOU have not had a comic book series with your name since the 1970's and it only lasted nine issues, unless you wanna count that Last Laugh miniseries which was only six issues…as in…less than ten, 'sweetheart'."

"That's it…I had it." The Clown Prince said pulling a gun from his suit and aiming it at Harley. Batman jumped from his seat and grabbed the Joker by the neck while he tried to force the gun away from his target. Strainbacker pushed his chair aside and hid underneath the desk, just leaving enough of his head exposed to see the two enemies battling for the possession of the gun. It was amazing how the Joker, even with his smaller frame when compared with the Dark Knight, was able to keep up with the Detective.

"Joker, stop! Give me the gun!"

"Sure, Batsy. Just…let me close Harley's act…" The Jester smacked his head against the Detective's head forcing the Knight off him a few paces. Joker took aim at Harley and pulled the trigger. A small sucker fired from the gun missing Harley by an inch, but that was enough to startle the blonde girl that jumped off the attorney's desk to take cover. He fired the gun again hitting her on the cleavage of her outfit. Joker lifted his hands high in the air and started to laugh hysterically. "Two points."

"That was…retarded." Harley protested pulling the sucker from her cleavage.

"I know. Isn't that what you called me the last time we were in bed a century ago?" Joker responded between guffaws. He turned to look at the attorney just to find the tiny eyes behind the desk's edge. "It's just a joke, Willy. Look… a toy gun." The Jester fired the gun at the scared lawyer leaving a sucker stuck to the desk as the attorney ducked the shot.

"That was uncalled for." Batman roared.

"No, I just had a psycho moment, sorry. But look at this. I carry a fully loaded semiautomatic .38 special with a built-in spear that says BANG YOU'RE DEAD not a toy gun, and where is my acid spurting boutonnière?" Joker's laughter subsided and became more like a melancholic cry. "I tell you they don't let us be all that we can be? Why is it that I can't shoot her...only once. Come on...I'm not asking for much?"

"Because people love me a lot," Harley responded rolling her eyes. "Lucky me for falling for a murderer. Why didn't I fall in love with a multimillionaire like Bruce Wayne?"

"Believe me, you don't want to make love to Brucie…it's gonna burn." Joker put the gun down rolling his eyes, lunged across the desk and grabbed the attorney by the lapels of his suit forcing him up and close to him. "Now you see what I have to put up with these writers that love playing games with me. A murdering psychopath that can't even shoot his girlfriend for real. You gotta do something to get me free, Willy. I need to be the full Joker I can be. And she's messing with my emotions again, for her own amusement. I'm so OOC right now is no longer funny."

"W-who? W-what?" Strainbacker asked nervously.

"The writer…who else? The Jester let go of the attorney and turned to look at the ceiling. "Would you please stop that? Stop writing me like this…it's embarrassing. You can do better."

"I think he needs a doctor," Strainbacker murmured sitting back at his desk."…and a straightjacket."

"I heard that…and I'm not crazy. Just…a little off centered. I'll be fine the moment I have some chocolate, If she lets me, that is…Why is it that it seems I'm the only one who sees the joke?" The Jester said pulling a Lindtt bar from his suit. He opened the bar to reveal a white chocolate coconut bar. He took a deep breath and sat down chewing on his bar. "Harry Potter was right HA! And they say you can't learn anything from fiction. OK, where were we?"

"You just tried to kill me." Quinzel spat acidly.

"EH! What else is new, Harley? I did in _Mad Love_, and the first issue of your series. Oh and don't forget that time that I tried to kill you thinking you had inherited a fortune. You should be used to that by now." Joker responded disdainfully as he took a bite of his chocolate bar and put away the remainder of the bar in his jacket.

"That was not nice." Harely protested sadly.

"But a lot of fun…ask all the people who liked those stories. Heck, even I had some funny moments in there…Though it would have been funnier to have finally pulled the trigger."

"Joker maybe we should call it a day." Batman said. "Let's go, I will get you some tea."

"I'm fine, Bats. Really. It's just an aftershock of the first psycho moment." The Clown Prince waved an impatient hand beside him. "Oh, yeah I remember now. Me. We were talking about me."

"Yeah, he's fine by himself. He has evolved to a character that can be successful in his own right what happens to me? Nothing. That's because writers keep putting me down. I have a terrific sense of humor, I graduated from college," Joker faked a cough and Harley glared at him."Still I have a diploma, and that means I have potential. Why can't people understand that and give me a chance?"

"Because the writers don't care for anything except for what can boost the sales this month. Don't you get the joke?" Joker said with a tone of defeat in his voice. "They use you, but I am used too. I've never appeared in so many places at once, until that TDK movie came out. I'm not a person anymore, Harley, I'm a money maker."

"And what does that make me?"

"The moneymaker's wacky girlfriend, because that's what sells." Joker straightened his suit and bowtie. "You think you're the only one being used? Think again and let's make a club. Nobody writes character stories anymore, those don't make money."

"But we are here to make that change, right? They have to change."

"We're trying Harley." Batman said surprising everybody in the room. Joker turned around to look at the Knight with wide green emerald eyes and Harley just stopped sucking on her lollipop. "It all depends on people like Mr. Strainbacker."

"I'll do my best. Comic books, paperbacks, and e-books are entertainment, true, but I don't see a discrepancy in having intelligence and entertainment in the same sentence. You're stories are no longer just for children. I've learned that while doing my research, and we have a very promising generation of readers in front of us. They just have to stand up and let themselves demand from artists, writers, and editors, that they want much better quality stories. They need to step out of the herd."

"You think we can do this? You think they will listen?" Harley asked giving Joker an elbow in the ribs. Joker protested with a grunt. "I will settle with stories with a brain and a soul."

"Yes we can, and you have given the first step in recognizing your weaknesses and bringing them forward. We can make better stories if we see where the others erred. There's nothing wrong with being weak or being written poorly as long as it leads us to change so tomorrow we can be stronger."

"Wow, Willy…I think I love you." Harley said with the lollipop falling off her mouth. She caught the confection before it hit the desk. Joker snorted disgustingly. "Do you believe in me?"

"I believe in everybody… even in that 'Kite man' villain from Batman 133 if he's still around; and with you guys, there is always a chance to do better."

"Joker was right…you are good." Batman said with faint smile shyly showing at the corners of his mouth. Strainbacker smiled.

"You know, I really, REALLY like you William" Joker said with a wide toothy smile. "I think I'm not going to kill you after all. Oh…and sorry for the incident with your secretary."

"I'm honored you trust me to represent you in this case." Strainbacker took his glasses off and set them on the table. "Just don't kill anybody, and that includes any animals that you might dislike. OK?"

"Fair…for now." Joker rose from his chair. "OK, let's go. William needs to work and I need a cup of white chocolate mocha. You invite, right Bats? The stupid taxicab took all my cash and you're the man with the big bucks."

"You're inviting me too, Puddin'?" Harley quipped while flouncing happily towards her Jester.

"No, really. Don't you have something else to do? Ahhh, OK. You want to go?" Harley nodded sheepishly. Joker looked at the Knight. "Well, Bats. Can the whore come too?"

"Don't be mean Joker. She really loves you," Batman replied

"Sure. Every whore needs her pimp. Come on girl, we don't have all day." Joker replied putting a tender arm around Harley. All three characters left the office leaving Strainbacker able to sigh in relief. He had survived the first meeting with his clients, and it had not been easy. He had seen his whole life play in front of him in an instant. William sat down heavily on his chair and rested his elbows on the desk and his head between his hands. What a meeting. Nobody would believe him if he told the story. But at the end, he felt good. Because he knew that he had a purpose. This case was just more than just the fame and money. It was a case of principles. This people wanted to be more than they have let them be, and who couldn't identify with such a cause. Everybody wanted the best for themselves, and these characters would not be able to do it without his help.

Then suddenly the door to his office opened and Joker walked back again, this time alone. He closed the door behind him and reclined against the door with a large malevolent smile. Strainbacker swallowed hard. Maybe this was going to be the first…and last meeting with his clients after all.

"Heh, left my box." The Jester said walking slowly towards the attorney's desk. His hands were clasped behind him. "And you impressed me. That's not easy, you know?"

"Thanks." Strainbacker said with a tremor in his voice.

"I knew you had it in you to understand this case like no other attorney in this city." The Clown Prince chuckled softly as he put his hands gently over his box. "And you didn't disappoint. Are you afraid of me?"

Strainbacker nodded "No…I mean—."

"Hey, it's OK. I expect you to be afraid 'cause otherwise you'd be a fool. I have a deadly reputation and the statistics to prove it, you know?"

"Y-yes…"

"But you overcame your fears and came forward with lines that carried a lot of weight. You got _cojones_ and you got them in the right place, my friend." Joker looked into the box amusingly "I guess that's the secret of being real, of being alive. Overcome the fears and go on."

"The world is a scary place sometimes."

"Tell me about it. It got so scary that one day I just shut it off and created a new one, just for me. They call it insanity, I call it safe heaven. Batman still leaves in the past. He can't get past the loss of his parents, and Harley…well," Joker rolled his eyes. "Harley is just Harley. What is your greatest fear…Mr. Strainbacker?"

For a moment Strainbacker hesitated if he should answer the question. He felt his heart pounding in his throat, and he had the gut feeling that he was about to die. "I don't know. You make me nervous."

"Nervousness and anxiety are part of life, William. I'm talking about real fear." Joker paused and smiled. "I'm terrified of the pain from not being loved, nurtured. My parents were not the best raw models in the world you know, and I lost the only real love of my life. I am both socially and emotionally alone and that can be scary at times. Batman lives in the limbo between order and entropy, his greatest fear is giving into the same chaos he fights every night and be like me. Harley, just needs to belong…somewhere and she likes you. I know that you're married and all, but if you want to date her…"

"No thanks." Strainbacker said with a smile. "Why…why are you telling me this…?"

"Naked truth? You're clever and you realize none of us has either faced our fears or overcome them, right? We just keep them as far away as possible. You talked about our weaknesses coming forward. We probably have to work hard on accomplishing that, because our weaknesses polarize us, making us only half of what we can truly be as characters and real people."

"Real people?"

"Something I told the Bat before about us representing the best and the worst in society"

"Ahh, It's not easy…being us."

"I know. And though most of the time I'm out of my wits, I'd like to think I'm more than just a psychopathic murderer sometimes."

"I'm starting to see that. You were the first one to notice the writer's disregard for your very existences. That takes vision."

"And a twisted view of the world, separated from the mainstream, William. I've never been part of the herd." The attorney nodded. "I might be a goof, a liar, and an irreverent punk who adores chaos and enjoys seeing people die, but even I understand that there can't be chaos without order. There can't be light without darkness. There can't be me without the Bat the same way the he is incomplete without someone like me."

"You can do better…be better."

Joker shook his head gently. "No, I am who I was written to be, but I can be written better and that is why I'm here. I just need the world to understand that as characters, we have needs too. That money could not be the only driving force for the creation of a plot. I would prefer to appear in fewer comics, but with plots that make me fulfill my destiny, not just fill somebody else's pockets of cash."

"And what is your destiny in life, Joker?"

"JOKER, Come on…what's taking you so long?" Batman called from reception. The Jester looked back at the door and smiled then turned back to the attorney that eyed him attentively.

"Annoy the hell of the man in the cape…and maybe…maybe, make him smile once. Sounds like fun, no? COMING!" The Jester said with a shrug. Strainbacker smiled. The Joker took the box and headed to the door when he suddenly stopped and turned. "There is going to be another meeting, right?"

Strainbacker smiled. "Probably, there is still a lot to discuss. I'll let you know."

"Good. And since I know that you are not afraid of facing the strange, the unusual or the impossible, you can do an experiment for me then tell me how it goes. Take your pen and draw three parallel lines on one of the pages of your notepad. Warm the page with the cup warmer under your Hazelnut Latte."

"Why?"

"Why not. The worst thing that a human being can do is stop being curious, William. Without it, we wouldn't even be having this conversation because neither the Bat nor I would exist at all. We require the people's imagination and the will to ask WHAT IF? See you soon." Joker tried to pry the door open with great effort when Strainbacker rose from his chair and rushed to his help. "Thanks…and please, don't tell the Bat we talked about this. He's a hero, he wouldn't understand. Strainbacker nodded. "Bye."

After Joker left towards reception, Strainbacker shut the door and walked back to his desk. That Joker was quite a character. Maybe the reason he had endured for so long in the folklore. Could there be more to the Clown Prince of Crime than meet the eye? William sat on his executive chair and spun around chuckling.

William remembered the experiment Joker asked him to do. It sounded crazy and pointless, but the Jester challenged him for a reason. Not everything he had said was all that crazy. Maybe it was a prank, and the Joker had set it all up to have him blow up in pieces. Or maybe he wanted to tell him something, but what? In a leap of faith, he did as the Jester had told him and to his surprise he noticed letters starting to appear above the lines. The letters soon spelled words:

"JOB WELL DONE, WILLIAM" He read on the paper and thought of his mother. She was always so proud of him and his successes until the day cancer took her away from him. He then remembered what the Joker had said about a master writer scripting every aspect of our lives. Could this be a message from his mother or was this writer congratulating him for following her script to the tee, as a mean of mocking his so called independence? Could the human existence be limited to a few short scenes in one large play? No, he was free. Free to think and create worlds beyond imagination; free to help or destroy or build the world around him…he chose to believe in his mother message. It is what mattered anyway, to be true to our own natures.


End file.
